


Open Letter to an Unnamed Person

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-10
Updated: 2012-02-10
Packaged: 2017-10-30 21:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/336596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We haven't spoken since we said goodbye, but I guess that's to be expected. You, I'm sure, have nothing to say to me and perhaps you think I have nothing to say to you, but that's just not true. I've kept quiet long enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Open Letter to an Unnamed Person

We haven't spoken since we said goodbye, but I guess that's to be expected. You, I'm sure, have nothing to say to me and perhaps you think I have nothing to say to you, but that's just not true. I've kept quiet long enough.

 

It's funny, but when I think about you now, I only really remember how much I miss you. It's an ache. I thought I would miss my favorite foods and possessions and even the randomness of daily life, and I do, but they're feelings that pass as I get used to monotony and schedule. Craving you never passes.

 

I miss you most at night when I'm in that small cot all alone. I put my arms around myself, but the action isn't as reassuring as when yours were wrapped tight around me from behind. Did you hate sleeping like that? I loved it. I needed it.

 

Remember when we used to just talk for hours? Now I can't recall what it even was we said, but we could sit down to a meal and an eternity passed that felt like no time at all. It was so easy. In our last conversation, you were forced, trying to be polite but I could see how you really felt in your eyes. That's why you could never lie to me. I read everything on your face. After all the time we spent together, could you not read me?

 

I miss your hand in mine. It was so reassuring, and now when I reach out next to me, there's nothing to hold on to. I still reach, by the way. Does that make me pathetic? I know I'm just clinging on to false hope, but I wish, if you knew...

 

Once, you were the rock I relied on, but you're not anymore. I had a foundation I thought was so solid. In a few moments, with some choice words from you, that was all swept away. You left me with nothing, no support, and I'm not sure if I'm a fool for thinking I was secure or you're the asshole that made sure I wasn't.

 

It's not that I just miss going out with you, because I do. We had so much fun together and... no, I can't even think about it because I'll start to tear up. Not just because of you, but because I miss going out in general. I miss my freedom. Two hours a day outside is what? Nothing. Especially when it's forced.

 

You know what it is? I'm angry. Yes, I'm sad and defeated, but the reason I'm writing right now is because I'm so indignant that I'm not going to stay silent anymore. No one listened to me the first time around but you know what? I'm not going to give up. I'll keep saying it over and over again until someone does listen. The truth always comes out, doesn't it? It just takes time and I can wait. After all, I have nothing but time. My family tried, I know they did, and my friends, the real ones anyway. My lawyer was the best, I can't fault her, and the jury... did what they had to.

 

Apparently it is not so easy to tell a fact from a lie. Especially for you. I am livid. Hate and love are emotions that are not too far away from each other, I've heard, and for the past eight months I've learned it to be true. I can miss you and love you but, my dear, I've learned to hate you. Every day, I think about what we used to have. Now, those thoughts take me to a bad place.

 

I'm not so selfish that I expected you to wait for me. I want you to be happy. No. Eight months ago I wanted you to be happy. You could have made your excuses and I would have let you go, even excused you from the promise you made to me. I would have pined, sure, but I was never silly enough to think my detention would have gotten in the way of you living your life.

 

So, you see, it wouldn't have been that hard. But you couldn't give me what I really needed from you.

 

Three words. That was all it would have taken. Am I really such a monster in your eyes? Did you not know me so well that you thought I could have deceived you into thinking I was a good person? It wasn't a trick, love. Why is it so much easier to believe the bad than the good? What did you think of me, anyway?

 

As we sat there on two phones with a glass wall between us, you looked at me with such disgust as you said you once loved me. "I loved you so much." As if the few weeks preceding that day were enough to take away that love? Even as I hate you I still love you, because I'm not as fickle or as unfaithful. Yes, I'm calling you unfaithful in your trust and in your willingness to accept what everyone else sees instead of what you should have known to be true.

 

I started out this note intending to try to make you feel sorry for me. I wanted to say how much I thought about you and missed you. My aim was to talk about us, to evoke those memories and feelings that I am struggling so much to forget. Instead, I want to let everyone who will read this know what I really think.

 

You betrayed me.

 

I know you must think that I turned my back on you, that I ruined our lives with an either careless or sinister deed. I didn't. You, though, you hit me hardest when I had nothing. I could have kept faith, I could have trudged on, and I might have not waited until now to keep fighting.

 

One sentence, that was all I needed from you. Not your love or your concern or your money or your arms or your hand or your magnificent nights out on the town. You should have said what I needed to hear. I just—I don't understand why it was so hard and why it was not true.

 

Three words would have made all the difference in the world. I needed you to say: I believe you.


End file.
